Schmete Schmentz's Journal

( I'm open and ready for you to justify my love )

When giving the choice, I'll ALWAYS choose Jepha for kinky sex. Now, for the story: After he breaks up with his girlfriend, and after she betrayed him by outing his kink to the whole world, Jepha swears dating off. He still has needs, though, so he calls Brian and says, "do you think your friend Laura would be up for some no-strings-attached sex every once in a while?" Brian, being the protective friend he is, says, "keep your dirty dick away from her or I'll chop it off, you perv!" so I almost don't get to sleep with Jepha! Luckily for me, the kinky stars are on my side; so one day I'm hanging out with Brian and he says, "oh, I forgot to tell you! Fucking Jepha called me to ask me to ask you to be his fuckbuddy, can you believe the nerve of that guy? I mean, I love him to death, but there's no way in hell I'd let him anywhere near you." I gaped like a fish and was too shocked to talk, but then I composed myself and was able to blurt out, "WHAT THE FUCK SCHECHTER? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PUSSYBLOCKING ME LIKE THAT?" I emphasized my point by slapping him on the back of the head. He was like, "wait, do you actually want to sleep with him? Aren't you waiting for Bob to realize that he's in love with you or something ridiculous like that?" To which I said, "well, yeah, but it's been two years and he remains oblivious, so I deserve to have fun in the meantime! Call Jepha immediately and tell him I'm totally up for anything he wants or I'll tell your wife you refuse to wear a helmet when you ride your stupid bike." Brian made one of his signature 'my life, so hard' expressions, but called Jepha and told him that I was interested if he still was. So we became kinky fuckbuddies. We explore a lot of kinks, but we keep coming back to Jepha crossdressing and getting fucked by my huge (and I mean HUGE) black dildo. After the first time we had sex, I sent flowers to Jepha's ex. Thank god for her big mouth and her desire of revenge.


Vanilla Fuckbuddy: Pete Wentz.

I know what you're thinking! You're thinking, "Pete Wentz vanilla? ARE YOU ON CRACK?" Well, hear me out! I swear this makes sense. First of all, I blame Gabe Saporta for this. See, one night, Pete and him were having drinks, and Pete told Gabe about how he was fucking done with the BDSM scene because after months of looking, he hadn't find anyone good enough to have a regular but casual thing with. Gabe, being the helpful friend that he thinks he is, told him that he totally knew a girl who was kinky as shit and that would be perfect for him. Pete decided that it couldn't hurt to try one last time, but he didn't want to meet the girl alone so he would be able to back out if he found her ugly without hurting her feelings. So Gabe offered Pete to throw a small party so he could meet her without feeling pressured. If you haven't guessed it by now, that girl Gabe was talking about was me. When Gabe called me to invite me to the party, he did told me that he wanted me to meet his friend Pete. He also explained to me that he was into the scene, but that he wanted a regular and hadn't found one yet, and that Gabe immediately had thought of me. I hesitated at first, but then realized that I hadn't had a good Dom in a while, so I decided I'd give this Pete guy a shot. So I went to the party, and Gabe introduced me to Pete. I didn't find him attractive at first, but I never judge a book by its cover (or a guy by his huge teeth) so I started to talk to him. We didn't talk about sex or the scene at all; we were actually getting to know each other. A few hours later, I actually liked Pete at all. He obviously liked me, too; because he told me if I wanted to get out of there and go to his place. I agreed, and when we got there we had a glass of wine, and then decided that it was time to talk about what we both wanted from the other. As you can imagine, we found out that WE WERE BOTH SUBS.  We cracked up at first, and then cursed Gabe and his stupidity, and then laughed some more. Because I was already there, and because we had liked each other so much, we ended up having (vanilla) sex anyway. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the moment, so we became sort-of-friends and now we fuck occasionally; usually when we see each other at Gabe's parties.


One Night Stand: Frank Iero.

;ALSKD;FLASKJFLSAKJFLDFJAL HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SOMETHING HOTTER THAN THIS I THINK NOT NGHHH. *dies* Okay, now that that's out of my system, let's move on with the story: I think you all know by now that I'm a shameless whore, right? Well, even if I am, I'm a whore with ~principles. I go to a lot of shows, because I love music and because listening to a band you love on your iPod is fun, but it's no match to seeing them live. But I never try to hook-up with the band. Sure, I always go home with someone (because I'm a slut and I like sex) but it's always with one of the guys in the audience. One day, I went to see a band called My Chemical Romance. They're huge now, but back then they were still playing small venues. I was enjoying the show a lot (that Gerard can sure put up one hell of a show) when suddenly I saw THIS. *points up to the picture above* You guys, I can't explain it, but it was as if the world had suddenly stopped; everything else went blurry, and all I could see was Frank and his orgasm face and his saliva. I don't actually remember much about the rest of their set; it was as if one moment Frank was drooling and the next the show was over. I decided that I needed to meet him. Not hook-up with him, just meet him and see how he was like when he wasn't on stage. So I waited and waited and finally, there he was. He was taking pictures with the fans, and signing stuff, and being nice to everybody. I decided to wait until all the fans left, and then I approached him. He was all sweaty and happy and practically vibrating. It was adorable, but mostly, it was HOT. He smiled at me and said hi; and I don't know what was my facial expression, but I guess it was one of complete lust, because he stopped smiling and his stage-face was on. He asked me my name, I told him it was Laura, and he said, "so, Laura, what are you doing later?" And you guys, I don't know what happened to me, or where did I get the guts to say it, but I smirked and said, "in about half an hour, I'll be fucking you." JUST LIKE THAT. He laughed, and said, "Really? Well... sure, why not." I still don't know how I was able not to puke from nerves and excitement and anticipation. He didn't have time to go to my place because they needed to be back on the road in a couple of hours, so we ended up fucking on the venue's tiny excuse for a dressing room. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, that is actually his orgasm face.



10.- Last but not least, mikeyface gave me Bob, Johnny Depp and Frank. A.K.A., My Top Three Celebrity Crushes Edition. She knows me too well.

Kinky Fuckbuddy: Frank Iero.

Asshole!Frank AU: You guys, I need help. Or an intervention. So, I'm kind-of-dating-except-not-really this guy, his name is Frank, and he's a total asshole. I met him at a party that he wasn't even invited to; and he was loud and obnoxious and demanded beer in a bottle because "I'm not a fucking fratboy to be drinking from a keg, what the fuck is this shit, fucking losers, what the fuck am I even doing in this shithole." He was asking the girls to show him their boobs, and they all ignored him, so he yelled, "fucking frigid bitches, I bet your vibrators stop working whenever they're near your rotten cunt!" I wondered why nobody kicked him out or kicked his ass; but then someone told me that Frank was famous for leaving people almost unconscious when he fought them, so I guess everybody was too scared to do something about it. I'm not going to lie, I was mesmerized by him. I couldn't believe that someone so tiny could be that much of an asshole. I mean, I guess it was pretty obvious he was overcompensating, but I was amazed all the same. When he saw me (I was standing at a corner, people-watching at first but then Frank-watching) he came up to me and asked, "yo, bitch, you frigid too?" I said no, and he said, "come on, you're sucking my dick." I followed him to the bathroom, (it was occupied, but Frank kicked them out) and he proceeded to choke me with his dick. The things he told me while he was fucking my throat are too filthy to be repeated. After he came (all over the floor, which he made me lick "like the fucking dog you are") he asked me for my number so he could call me "whenever I'm in the mood to fuck a two-cent whore." And yes, I gave it to him. From then on, he calls me from time to time. We hook up, and he always treats me like that. Now, that's not a problem for me, because I get off on that. The problem is, I don't see him more than once a month, but he doesn't want me to date anyone else. He's already beat up three guys I went out with, so I'm not risking it anymore. He ALWAYS finds out. Worst part of it all? I'm in love with him, and all I want is for him to love me back. Or at least, for him to want to fuck me more often. Sigh.


Vanilla Fuckbuddy: Bob Bryar.

This one's a little bit sad for me. I met Bob back when he was working at the House of Blues. We hit it off immediately; he introduced me as his girlfriend a week after we met. Our relationship was pretty much perfect. I guess that should've been a red flag for me, because something that good is not likely to last forever. We'd been together for a while, when he got the chance to do sound for The Used. He wanted to say no at first, because it'd mean being apart for long periods of time, and he didn't want to. Neither did I, of course, but I knew it was a great opportunity for him so I insisted him to take the job. Things were fine for a while; we missed each other like crazy, but between emails and texts and phone call, we somewhat managed. Then, he was asked to join MCR as their new drummer. To say he was ecstatic would be the understatement of the century. It was his biggest dream coming true. He told me that he'd say no if I wanted him to, but of course I told him that he was crazy and that I was incredibly happy for him. I honestly was. He's an amazing guy and he deserves the best the world has to offer. Seeing him so happy made me happy. Except, if I barely saw him when he was working for The Used, it was even worse once he joined MCR. During one of his breaks, he broke up with me. He told me he loved me with all his heart; that he never thought he could love somebody like as much as he loved me, and that it was precisely because he loved me so much that he was letting me go. He said I deserved better; that I deserved to be with someone who could actually be there for me whenever I needed him. I tried to convince him that I didn't care if I deserved better, that I wanted HIM, but he had made up his mind and I knew him too well to know that I wouldn't be able to change his mind. So I stopped insisting, and we broke up. We didn't talk to each other for a few months, but then he called me on my birthday. We talked for hours, and from then on we'd call me about once a week or so. Next time he was in Chicago, we met for coffee. Nothing happened that day, but the last day of his break we slept together. He told me that he wanted to keep talking to me, that he wanted us to be friends, so it (the sex) could never happen again. I didn't want that. I want to be able to kiss him and touch him, so I came up with the only solution that could work. I told him to get over himself; that I wasn't in love with him anymore, but that I loved having sex with him. That, as long as we were both single, there was nothing wrong with having some fun. And that's how I ended up being Bob's fuckbuddy. It's not what I want, but I guess it's better than nothing.


One Night Stand: Johnny Depp.

Believe it or not, I had a one night stand with Johnny Depp. It's okay to be jealous; I'd be too if I were you. I was working as a body double, because I was broke, and while I've never had a problem with nudity, I didn't want to resort to stripping. It didn't pay that well, but I got to be on movie sets, and met a lot of actors and actresses, and while I couldn't afford any kind of luxury, I liked my job. One lucky day, I got a call from my agent, telling me that he had gotten me an audition for an independent film. Long story short, I get the part. Which was amazing, because I needed the money. Apparently it was a top secret, because nobody told me before (and my agent didn't know either) that JOHNNY FUCKING DEPP was starring the movie, as a personal favor to the director when his leading man overdosed after just  a week of filming. I hoped and prayed that I'd get to see him up close at least for a second, because he had always been my number one celebrity crush. Well, apparently I've been a very good girl, or karma owed me something, because I got my wish and then some. Turns out? I WAS DOUBLING FOR A SEX SCENE WITH HIM. I honestly can't understand how anyone would care about being naked on screen if it means being naked with Johnny Depp. He was very serious and professional; I was praying that I wouldn't squirt all over him because I was extremely turned on. Yes, even with all that people around us. Can you blame me? I don't think you can. It's impossible to be professional when Johnny freaking Depp is on top of you. Sadly for me, everything turned out to be perfect and the scene was done. Johnny thanked me and told me I had done a good job, and I thought, 'screw it' and asked him if I could buy him a drink. He said he was too tired to go anywhere but his suite. I was disappointed, but I never really thought he'd say yes. But then he did! Just as I was leaving, he said, "you know what? I guess I could use a drink or two." So we went for drinks (they ended up being for, by the way) and I was flirting but not too obviously. I guess it worked, because he told me he could also use a back rub, and I volunteered, and he took me to his suite; where I gave him a full-body massage and he gave me a mind-blowing orgasm.
 

Well, that's it. I'm actually sad it's over. But before I sign off, here's the discussion I promised: Talk to me about the pros and cons of one night stands! I always had boyfriends, so I only got to experience it once, and it was more than a decade ago, and I was too drunk so I don't even remember the details. You don't even need to talk from experience or share details of your sex life, (although you totally should!) you can just say what you think are the pros and cons. Come on, participate, IS FOR SCIENCE.

I love you all insane amounts.

xo
Laura.
 

Today, I'm celebrating my 9th wedding-anniversary! Wow, time flies when you're in love!

I want you guys to celebrate with me, but since I can't invite you to my celebratory-sex marathon, I thought I'd make a mini-picspam of our dear bandom boys and their RL relationships. Yes, I'm setting my tinhat aside for a moment, shocking, right?

Anyway, I apologize in advance if some of them aren't dating anymore, I really couldn't be bothered with actual research. Also, I'll include one picture of myself, so one of you (or all of you) can photoshop Bob next to me. I DESERVE TO BE IN THE PICSPAM YOU GUYS, IT'S MY ANNIVERSARY AND I'LL CELEBRATE HOWEVER I SEE FIT.

( Together and oh so in love! )

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

xo

Laura.

I lost all of my music. All of it. It's gone.

My best friend was "helping me" because I was having trouble with my itunes, and she was like "I'll just restore the whole thing" and I didn't think it was necessary to tell her to back everything up first, and she didn't, and all my music was lost.

Worst part is, all my cd's were stolen a few months ago, when I left my car with the valet parking of a restaurant. I was furious, but it was okay because I had them all in my itunes library already.

So as you can see, I'm freaking out. My friends already offered me to share all their music with me, and I'm grateful for that, but although we share some music taste, there are bands that they don't like and I love, so this is where I need your help.

Basically, I'm asking you to share your music with me, particularly:

- The Beatles (I know this is really not the place to ask for that, but The Beatles ;__; )
- Green Day
- The Killers
- Kings of Leon
- My Chemical Romance
- The Used
- Fall Out Boy
- Panic at the Disco
- Cobra Starship (I didn't have their music, but since I'm already asking...)

And of course, everything else that you'd like to share with me.

Please you guys, help an old lady out. It's the polite thing to do, and I'd be forever in your debt.

xo
Laura



ETA: I'll edit the entry to include all the stuff you've already shared, so you don't go to through the trouble of uploading stuff that I already have. So if it's not in the following list, it means I still don't have it.

I ALREADY GOT:

THE USED:
- The Used
- In Love and Death
- Lies for the Liars
- Artwork

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE:
- Bullets
- 3 Cheers
- The Black Parade

GREEN DAY:
- American Idiot
- 21st Century Breakdown

FALL OUT BOY:
- I haven't downloaded it yet, but Miz says it's their entire discography.

Hi! So, as you know, I'm writing the prompts you gave me. Nobody asked for porn, mainly because my flist is made of smart people who know that amateurs shouldn't write porn until they've mastered other more important areas of writing such as grammar, plot, pace, phrasing, characterization, etc.

HOWEVER, saint_viticus made the mistake of giving me only a pairing (well she actually gave me two pairings but I chose this one) but no prompt. So I took this opportunity to write porn because I wanted to see if I could pull it off.

So, here it is, the porny Dan/Jeph I wrote for saint_viticus.  I don't think that's what she had in mind when she prompted me, so if you're reading this baby, feel free to prompt me again.

WARNINGS: Porn written by an amateur. Enough said. Also, I realized that when it comes to porn, I lack of originality and imagination, so if this sounds like any other fic you've read, it's probably because I ripped off the ideas from every porny fic I've ever read. Especially from ladyfoxxx , whom I sure is nice enough not to sue me for plagiarism.

This time more than ever, criticism is strongly encouraged. Seriously, don't hesitate to be as honest as you can.

Edited a thousand times because I kept screwing the LJ cut.

 

( Brace yourselves, flist! )